Riese…

Even tho I’m still “in recovery”. I think it would be safe to write a little more. It helps to ease out the pain since i don’t speak to anyone these days.

I can see it on my parents’ faces that they suspect that something. And hiding is becoming harder. I’m working on the entire thing. giving exams as usual. Studying….staying closed hoping they’d not see me as often as they would. Its all fine. I’m taking precautions. so we can be rest assured that there wont be a big fuss at home.

In my involuntary “sacrifice” time, I’ve learned the following things. They are purely out of diversified experience and they are very true with very few exceptions.

- People who you think are good friends, don’t really care much. Its only the best pals who stick to you and try their best to bring you up. And force you even higher than they are.

- There IS a god. There IS something called karma.

- Life doesn’t end with downfalls. Coz when u fall down a pit. The only way to go is up. And if you can do that, you can believe without doubts that u’re amazing.

- Pride without substance is really bad. People who carry it around like that end up losing everything.

- Blue drugs are bad. They can get so close to finishing you so quickly that in the end all you can have left is a rotten bunch of cells for a brain which needs a lot of stimulation to think. And a lot more concentration to not. Dope…fags…they just mess around with ur anatomy. These lil smooth pills just rape ur mind in ways u wouldn’t wanna experience. ever.

- believing in miracles isn’t healthy. But striving to make them happen is what makes you a man.

- Never exert your body or mind beyond its capacity. even tho we think we can take it, we really cant. But otherwise, the human mind and soul is stronger than the strongest entity you can think of.

- Dreaming is bad. Coz when ur dreams get crushed, the feeling is worse when its ur own fault. And that is usually the case.

I don’t know why i have tears in my eyes. But for some reason it feels nice right now. But anyway…lemme continue.

- Making the magic happen is easy. Its about how innocent you are. Once that is lost, so is the magic. And Magic is real. I can do it.

- A thirst for vengeance is a good thing actually. it drives you to become better to some extent.

- Punching the walls frustrated without knowing where to channelize ur anger only gives you broken knuckles.

- Finding happiness in small things makes you forget the big ones.

- Not cursing your life actually gets you through the worst of the situations. people who crib, keep doing it forever. Life is beautiful. Living is the most amazing thing we do. Respecting life and not fooling around with it is gonna make things better beyond what you’d want.

- Stoicism is the most brilliant way of handling people. Indifference is the worst. yes theres a difference between the two.

- Its better for your family and friends not to know things they cant help you with.

- handling your problems on you own is the right thing to do if ur sure you can handle it.

- Knowing ur problems , identifying them is the hardest part. Finding a solution is thrice as easy.

- The more loving you get from people, more beautiful life becomes. And reciprocating all that love not directly in words but in thoughts makes you as great a human as any other.

- when you wish for life to end, you are a coward. theres nothing brave about jumping of the building. It takes real courage, to stand up again. Brave the darkness. Fortify urself and emerge as a dusty diamond, which the breeze would clean and the sun would make shine.

- Never let anyone you say u CANT do something. especially if that someone is half the person you are.

- you deserve to get everything you want. its what you want that needs to be right.

- theres no substitute to working ur fucking ass off day and night to gain success.

- Theres always adequate money. Theres never a dirth if you know what you really want and what really makes you happy.

- Looking for happiness, love and respect doesn’t get people anywhere. I’ve seen it happen and I’m not going to make this mistake, nether should you.

- Human beings are extraordinary beings at times. theres so much they can adapt to and so much they can endure, that no amounts f pain and suffering could break them if they chose to remain unbound to earthly “discomforts”. My body has gotten me through so much. I’m really really grateful.

- living for others at times, is a great thing to do. having principles and ideals that have the element of compassion in them somewhere, makes you more of a human than someone who lives and does things only for themselves.

- caring about what people think of you is a good sign. Comparing yourself to others is bad. don’t get me wrong here. i don’t mean you should conform to other people. i just mean that you shouldn’t be excessively individualistic about what you do.

- its always the current loser that beats you later on.

- the mind is always stronger than the heart. if it isn’t. Ur screwed.

The tears have stopped now. And i realize that i have to get back to continuing my journey to finding the light within me. i feel I’m close. i think I’ll find it. I’m a jewel. i just cant make me shine right now. i will glow. i will rise. And i will be loved by all the way i wanted to be. And i will be looked down upon no longer. I shall build a fortress of honor and glory built from the bloody tissues of my sacrifices. I shall be unbreakable. I need to be so. I have broken and mended myself too many times now.

You possibly dont always get what you deserve. And you possibly don’t always get what you want. the trick is turning it into a probability. And only you can make it happen. The way destiny is written is fantastic. Coz it can be changed.

*update: theres a difference between crying and having tears in your eyes. I’m not ashamed to admit the latter. yes…even tho I’m 18.