I am watcher

One of the problems that people point out in me is the fact that i think too much. Its probably a slight defect in the personality but in considering rationality i end up taking the most unrational decisions ever. Yes its a basic flaw. But at the same time, thats a rather rare case. for rest of the people who unfortunately DONT think…heres a big “SCREW YOU”. Now im kinda jealous of these people. they usually dont realize that most of their unhappiness is attributed to there own shit and not anyone else’s. but in our case “the thinkers” we kno exactly where we ent wrong and we keep blaming ourselves for it no matter how well we kno that nothing can be done about it.
They say when u fall down a hole the only place u CAN go is up.
The problem with the mordern aged teenager is that rather than trying to make thing better they’d wallow in self pity and torment themselves looking around for sympathy as long as they think they can get it. It is at this juncture when im confused. I see such people in my friends. And i feel ashamed at times…how could i be friends with THEM! But thats being entirely stupid! So i give them what they want. sympathy, audience, afection. And now i wonder. What if i was doin what they’re doin. What if i was the wistfull jackass sitting in one corner of the room gazing in the dark? who would come and ask me whats wrong?
Ad thats whn u realize…shits already hit the fan.
you are no thinker. You are just a jackass. You like sympathising. You like sharing people’s sadness because you urself dont have a way to express ur own. U share peoples happiness because you have no clue how to express ur own! You become an emotional parasite. you start watching people around trying to relate them to the way you think you feel. You see some kids partying laughing and jumping and u feel euphoric…wow! life’s so awesome!
you see the class loser crying behind the library and you wonder why ur as alone as he is.

You are brainfucked. You have become a watcher. A complex observer who has no clue what he’s actually seing. Your rationality is defined not by facts but by the things u make in ur head. A bit unfortunaate really.
Now once you have realized what you are going through is one of the things you were against. Social drama, angst, hallucinations of euphoria. And you feel like a hypocrit. You wonder why the world couldnt see things the way u did and you feel all alone. Left in the dark waiting for a new miracle to hit ur life but it dsnt.

Sadness is like gravity too ladie and gentlemen. What you actually need to elarn is to get away from it.

I am happy one can say. But running away from the fact that me is a loser is becoming harder and harder everyday.