Black dog
October 14, 2011
That’s what Winston Churchill called it. Therefore, that’s what we are gonna call it. The probable causes for it are not very clear but i have a pretty good idea.
1. alcohol. Here’s one thing that’s messing up my system. I am not healthy. I feel like i am very close to dying. I feel like drinking will make it easier but the next day it all comes back. It has to be dealt with. I am unable to figure out a good way of changing it and its taking a frustrating amount of time.
2. Bunking..I have been missing clinics like anything. My patient work is suffering and i sometimes have no idea what to do. Plus there’s a serious shortage of attendance problem going on.
3. Home…i think stuff at home isn’t going well. and lets leave it like that for now.
4. Lack of desire of a social life…Seriously. I am done with people. They do not make a difference to me anymore. Nothing does. All the negativity that’s pouring into my head cannot be dealt with alone. I am NOT chilling. I need to start speaking to people properly. I need to stop hating.
5. College protocols. They are way too much. But if others can handle it. Why can’t i/?
6. The need to be high. Being high gets me going for a little while but then the guilt and the nonsense about what the hell i am doing comes around and starts to force me deeper into the ‘black dog’.
What do i need to do? Its kind of simple really. Changes don’t happen overnight. So we might take time to change the way things are going.
But initiative has to be taken.
Firstly. I need to stop thinking. I need to shut my brain for a while. Relax the mind.
once that is done. We can move forward. Lets see how this works out.
cheers
Mustang
