Attainable

In order for us to function properly our bodies and mind demand a certain amount of pleasure. be that alcoholic, psychedelic, musical, dramatic, gustatory….
all in all i write this post off a considerably incomplete high

I like getting into the altered sensorium. More than i’d care to admit, to be honest.
Certainly, there’s more to the avg. retard than a crippled physique and a defeated sense of purpose. Why not make it into the established recreational audacity.
Of such proportions that the mind may not comprehend the full nature of my predicament .
I am glad for the past week. And especially because of the sustained and projected realization….that you can be happy with your crew. Or try and be happy with sad folks for whom joviality is not an option.
May peace be with the world and my companions. For, them chilling is one thing. and recuperating from lack of sustainably sociable happiness, thought of or not, is another.
Its true. I mean it. From the dpths of my mind. I concur that the human race is just as demented as the 20 something man about to graduate. Its juvenile, illogical.
In second year the first page of Robbin’s pathology made me hate the concept of karma more than any other instance.
And all of those realizations which were similar to a point.
i despise the current network
I hate it all
My mornings are plagued by fake hellos and faker smiles. I cant help but be nice to people. And for some reason the cause of it all is simple.
dennerexdude,
rexified,
Upecmustang,
Chopin’s grave

Aw screw it.

Seriously…this past one month of trying to avoid booze is getting me into more and more trouble.
So fuck it. I am drinking the way i do.
I like drinking
Thats it
me not drinking makes little sense and has made me feel like an idiot. So when i drink again i try and drink more and shit hits the fan.
So we’re screwing the non sense. I am drinking
o yea….the next time mom sends cash. its gonna be a nice bottle of signature whiskey and i am gonna drink it all up with my buddies. Thats that.
peace and in hope,..
Mustang

ps. cheers!

Problem

last night i blacked out again. i dont want to know what i did. For the first time in my life. i am scared.So scared that my hands are shaking as i am writing this post.
Screw it. I am quitting alcohol.
The problem is simple. Once i start i go crazy and the next morning i don’t remember jack shit.
I have said and done things beyond repair and making amends is also not an option. My only solace is that some of my friends are still around me.
I have so much negativity in my head that i can’t even think of a life without alcohol but now its gone way too far. I have fucked it up way too much.
I should have quit a long time ago.
I dont understand one thing. Why do i do the crap that i do when i am drunk. Why?
Whats there in my head that makes me wanna lie and shout and scream and get angry and become retarded and cheap and fucked up?
For the time being i can only place my efforts into quitting. Or i might die one day.
Earlier it was about health, money and time.
Now its about keeping myself sane. i am going mad.
so lets man up and see if i can pull this off.
one step at a time.
Seriously…..alcohol really does have the ability to ruin a life. Never thought i would admit it.
Hopefully its not too late….

Black Star And Tsubaki

Man…every time i hear that number i go crazy “never gonna lose myself”. There’s something about the Japanese. They can be hit with the worst tsunami of the millennium and they’ll still bounce back up. their music, their culture…friggin amazing!
Random thoughts pour in and i like it this way. the only problem is that my neurons have been frying slowly. with my alcohol addiction taking new forms. I wish Bacchus wouldn’t stay open post midnight. so anyway i have a new wallpaper that says “none today” hoping it will remind me to stay off alcohol as much as possible.
and i hope this helps. I am a man of very weak will power.
HAHAHAHA….not that it needs any explanation. but screw that for the time being.
exams are on their way so time to start studying! peace!

oo oo ooty…

the fire that baba lit

when 19 people decided to go together i had a feeling the trip wont be as amazing as i wanted it to be. turns out. It was great! especially the booze parties in the apartment we rented. scared the girls probably.
the fog, the chills and the fact that we could find a permanent winter in the south fascinates me.

It was rejuvenation. Thankyou ootacamandalam…:)

hmm…re-adress or reconsider?:

10,000 bucks
2499 kilometers
Crappy small talk
the Rs.9000 bet
The chills at Edge
And all the alcohol.
Trips, fights and random acts of chull (that i wanna prove something?)
Its been long. still?
Man…i feel like a 5 year old wondering who finished the cake from last night.
And then college. I am VERY confused.
College has a way of complicating things. While building up a social image you have to very careful not to upset people lest they hate you (more than what they already do).

Funny thing is, in all my modesty, i dont give a rat’s ass, still.
Funnily, for all the politics people read about and all the parliamentary drama we witness nothing can beat the likes of what happens in the average college classroom.
Pretending to be immune only gets worse and indifference leads to people percieving you as insane. You dont care still maybe. But then work gets hampered and self sufficiency suffers. to have a better future we compromise on the way we wanna see the world.
Funny?
Yes, sir
very

I have done some really extreme stuff. For really stupid or sometimes rather justified reasons (if i say they’re justified, they ARE justified.)
What you have to realise however is that, the reasons dont seem all that pretty once you look back at how you felt at that time and how stupid it seems right now.

Philosophy can ruin you. Having a set philosophy/ set of principles to follow can be a VERY dangerous. Hypocrisy scares me.
Not because i dont like hypocrites (thats rather obvious…) but because i dont wanna see myself as one.

Me, myself, i , all about me.
Who cares what the world thinks? i’ll be a bakchod for eternity!
a few good friends are better than a dumbass entourage!
But for all the truths i have hated theres one more! the dumbass entourage in question can have a rather ballistic effect on you life.
I hate the DE. Its like a secret society possibly conspiring to bring down any indivisual who prefers to think on a lines parallel to the those of the universe.

As of now, i believe we should live one thing at a time (thing…not day or any other unit of time)

presently, lets just get on with the bet. (along with the daily bullshit we face from college!)

Primarily, we have a big problem. If there is something to prove, which also is a mystery. And if i have to prove myself. then why is it that i wanna do it for some unknown entities. (honest?)
Bhenchod! can i have a smoke please? (oh! i forgot…one butt’s about 9 grand,…GODDAMMIT!)