I Meditate, You Gravitate

The kick ass kung-fu priest does not use guns. The kick ass kung fu priest does not kill. The kick ass kung fu priest just breaks a lot of bones. And is all into what we call immunition warfare.
Now the thing about monks in movies is, that they play those classy ‘mind games’ with their protégés. And they’re gonna give all kinds of brilliant spiritual lessons about how to accept stuff in the most unexpected(read stupid) way. What i mean is. U get all sorts of stuff about how to move forward if u gonna go back. How to lose if u wanna win. How to crawl if u wanna fly. If u wanna go down go up. If u wanna go right go left. Jeez…thats lame.. And if people haven’t realized that yet. They’re really really stupid. If i leave the monk with a group of naxalites tomorrow im sure he will not be able to make god loving Buddhists out of them. Thing is..that the whole concept of spiritual awakening and true spiritual living is slightly over rated. Its too ideal and conceptual for practicing.
I remember participating in one of the most pointless debates ever about the importance of spirituality. And thing was that except the old Sadhu guy who was present no one really seemed genuinely interested in what they were saying. But there was another dude. An eminent columnist with spiky hair and stylish beard with his flashy tie and jazzy shirt. This fellow said a few things that really changed the way i look at the whole spiritual stuff. It is a very interesting thing. highly logical and not always about the triumph of good over evil and compassion and selflessness over indifference. I’ll come back to what he said later. But first im gonna talk about some seriously serious stuff (which means its really really serious). Sometime ago while discussing such intellectual sounding things me and some pals came across the talk of spirit. The xing, chi and whatever u may wanna relate it to. Now development of spirit is never the normal thing for 20 yr olds to discuss but then we don’t really do all that intense talking. We just think about what life wud b like if the ‘power of spirit’ could be used to enhance our physical abilities and help us to do all sorts of super human stuff. Imagine. kicking Bush’s ass and disappearing from the scene by using the power of spirit. Saving the neighbors daughter using ur power of spirit, from an earthquake (created by ur power of spirit) and then getting her to sleep with u and help u try out ur ‘power of spirit’. Now that is how narrow minded most of us are. Now if u dnt wanna agree, don’t. But im dead sure that u dnt think any ‘deeper’ either.
Well coming back to what the cool dude i met during the debate said. He said that being spiritual dsnt necessarily mean that u obtain peace of mind and all the nice things that grownups are dying to obtain these days. He said that considering the power of spirit will get u places if u kno what ur doing. What he meant was the same things as i did. ‘Power of spirit’. The kickassest power that is admirably possible for almost everyone to obtain. When i say almost,yes, i DO mean exceptions. Some people are too loserish to even think on these terms, not really meaning that not thinking makes u loserish. But anyhow. “power of spirit” is actually one of those ass busting things that humans can develop to accomplish a lot of assbusting stuff (i use “kick ass” too often by the way)
Now what was the point of this post again? Nothing..it was another pointless post i wrote coz i just wanted to daydream about how i cud use the ‘power of spirit’ to do impossible things that even jackie chan cudnt do in his fancy movies. HAHAHAHAHA…(this is not funny) HAHAHAHA

Withdrawl?

For the past few days, i dont really know whats affecting me so bad. It maybe the terms of the bet. Withdrawals?
don’t think so
Dark thoughts are a manifestation of what exactly?
People have been making there own theories on my case these days. Mayb its time for another rash decision and do something SO stupid that the past shit is forgotten and im let off with a small scene.
Or maybe, just maybe its time to take things a lot more seriously than i would otherwise, considering the fact that i dont really have much to stay for here.
College life seems to have a VERY complex and adverse effect on a lot of things i hold high in myself.
If being lost is what they call me, i should tell em all to fuck off.
Its a mad world. Everyones out to get you. Why is it necessary to take out the best to be the best? Why can’t one shine and have recognition without resorting to dirty psyco games.
I wont do it. or maybe im trying to convince myself of the fact that i CAN but wont whereas the truth probably is that i cant. I dont have what it takes. I dont have the support.. could have had it when it was available. But maybe its the way things are meant to be. maybe i was meant to suffer self image problems.

Isnt there a time in a man’s life when he attains a rather stable personality without having to constantly think of what to change? where happiness is expecting less or nothing and life seems prettier with the days.?
I guess not. Because im tired of waiting. Im tired of seraching for solutions. Im tired of pretending to be happy while feeling evil and dark inside. I dont wanna hurt anyone. Or do i?
I dont wanna do things i say are wrong. I dont wanna lose myself in this battle for pretentious satisfaction and lies.
what i want is to be left the way i am.
I dont hurt anyone. why am i being targeted then? Is there nothing in me that can be held in high esteem?

I can claim that im better than a LOT of people i know. But why is it so hard t convince myself?
Or am i really trying to convince others?
life goes full circle? fuck whoever said that.
Life’s a web. and we’re reaching the dead center. There are plenty of ways to get to it and they all are the same really. With the same grand ‘the end’.
Theres no compensation. Theres no reward. Theres just a world of your own. ashell you crate to block out all that upsets you. And im trying to build one for myself.
Im not interested in ruling the world. Im not interested in being the god or king of anything at all.
For once in my life i just want to be known as the guy who’s in college, does his music, loves his parents, takes care of his friends and lives a VERY simple life.

im sick of being blamed for stuff i didnt do. Im sick of being picked at for no reason. I’m sick of being associated with the lame females in the class. Im sick of being chewed at for nothing. IM done
im tired of being mad
Its this implosive anger that scares me. For if the darkness comes out again. Whats gonna happen?
day before yesterday’s fight left more than a bruised knee. It left a question in my head.
Is this what im meant to do? Is this what i’ll tell people as what i do in college?
The thrashing felt SO good. The pain redeemed and anger let out in fury such as i have not seen myself in.
the world’s full of retards i admit. and im not a retard. Im a rather sensible person.
My sense of humor not being accepted isnt a problem either. I just wanna find people who’re in sync with it. Not avialable?
fine no humor

so no humor, no happiness, no love and affection, no respect. being reduced to this i need to turn into the “dream weaver” maybe.
Or maybe i’ll just die.
fuck the world and everything in it. honestly.